egobus:

egobus:

one time when I was about four, the 10 year old neighbour boys attacked me with water guns and when I ran away and told my mom she gave me the hose and set it to pressure wash and basically told me to finish what they started  

update: when I told my mom about this post she told me that the boys actually ran to their mom to tell on me and their mom told them that they deserved it because they started the fight and let me continue to pressure wash her backyard and children

My visit to get screened for cancer:

  • Nurse: "Sorry your boyfriend couldn't wait for you in the waiting room, it makes women feel uncomfortable."
  • Me: "He wasn't my boyfriend and I don't see how it would make them uncomfortable, but that's my opinion. He was here for moral support. I understood, and so does he."
  • Nurse: "So he's your...."
  • Me: "Friend."
  • Nurse: (During the question asking) "How many sexual partners have you had?"
  • Me: "11."
  • Nurse: "How old were you when you first became sexually active?"
  • Me: "....Loaded question but....14, I guess."
  • Nurse: "You're sexually active, then."
  • Me: "Well....I guess...but..."
  • Nurse: "How many times have you been pregnant?"
  • Me: "Uh. 0."
  • Nurse: "O...kayy...-Checks 'condoms' as my preferred use of birth control-"
  • Me: "I don't use condoms. Or take birth control."
  • Nurse: "Then how do you avoid getting pregnant?"
  • Me: "With homosexuality."
  • Nurse:
  • Me:
  • Nurse:
  • Me: "I fuck girls."

the-arena-ballerina:

neptunain:

christmas is so much worse as you get older it’s like “what do you want this year?” “a sense of purpose”

"a career" "financial security" "a sex life" "tuition for grad school" "alcohol" "a nap" "socks would be nice"